So I've been officially living in Iowa since August 6--I did take a vacation to Virginia Beach to visit a friend for 5 days but, other then that, I have been hanging out in Coralville and Iowa City. It is amazing how different it is from Texas. I love the people, I'm going to have some amazing opportunities in my assistantship that are going to potentially open a lot of doors, and the community is dynamic and exciting. I've found a church that I think I'm going to really enjoy with a great group of grad students and young professionals that are really active. Everything seems to be falling into place a going well. I'm happy. I'm glad I'm here.
But oh my goodness gracious am I homesick. Watching all of the excitement pop up on my facebook newsfeed about A&M leaving the Big 12, potentially joining the SEC, football game this weekend, class starting, all of these great songs, videos, links, images, hype. And I'm not there. Not only am I not there, I am way to far away to just go when I want to. And not only that, I'm on a college campus that has such a different dynamic from A&M that it's really hard for me to wrap my mind around why things are the way they are here and how they got that way. Students aren't involved, community service is something the administration is working hard to put up as a pillar of the school, but it's not there yet, I'm in a VERY liberal community, and, more than anything, I just miss A&M. I know the dynamic would have been different had I stayed for graduate school, but it was still home. More than Texarkana, more than anywhere else I've lived. And, I know a lot of my friendships there would have been strained at best given everything that happened last month, but it's more than the people. It's the place. It's that feeling you get when you hear the train whistle blowing as you watch the sun come up over Kyle Field. The chinging of spurs on the sidewalks of the quad, the buzz of gameday, the rush of excitement when the drummers lead the Aggies on to the field. The dedication of the 12th Man, not only on game day but everyday. The feeling of solemn connectedness at Silver Taps or Muster...the things that are truly unique to A&M and can't be explained anywhere else you go.
I learned a lot about myself during my 4 years at A&M. Some good, some not so good, and most of it definitely not while I was sitting in a classroom. They were the best and worst days of my life. Even though I'm not on the path I thought I was headed down when I graduated or even the entire time I was there I still feel like it's home. It will always be home, no matter where I go or what I do. Even though it's growing and changing and morphing into something that I won't recognize one day, much like my parents did not recognize campus when they brought me in 2007, A&M will forever be my home.
Iowa is not meant to be home. Graduate institutions aren't, I feel like. I'm here to learn and to get a degree. I want it to be a fun experience and I'm sure there will be aspects of UI that I really enjoy. And, I'm sure at some point I will experience some kind of emotional connection with the school. It's just really frustrating knowing that I had that immediately at A&M and I don't have that now. I constantly find myself reflecting on my undergraduate experience, trying to apply what I'm learning in my Higher Ed classes to what I went through. Some apply, some don't. But mostly it just makes me miss it. And I want to go home...
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